You are currently browsing the category archive for the ‘hope’ category.

In our house, there are heros and there are HEROES.

Everyone knows heroes..not everyone is lucky enough to know any HEROES.

· Batman “To the batcave, Robin!”

· Buzz Lightyear “To infinity! AND BEYOND!”

· Optimus Prime “Autobots. ROLL OUT!”

· GI Joe “Gooooooo Joes!”

· Spiderman “With great power comes great responsibility.”

All heroes, not a one a HERO…

When asked who their favorite hero is, my kids are keenly aware of the difference between the two.

Charlie puts it best “Real people HEROES, or like, made up, pretend heroes?”

Real people HEROES, Charlie. Actual people, who have changed the world in a positive way by their actions or beliefs.

And that’s brings us to the thoughts that weigh heavy on my mind this last week.

Our family has been deeply, directly affected by one of those “real people HEROES” and at 42 years young, Mark has left our earthly lives, to carry on his cape wearing heroics in heaven.

And I don’t know how to tell Kylie.

You see… he IS why she IS.

Read the rest of this entry »

My kids are pretty dang awesome.  TylerLee volunteers with her cousin about once a month to serve dinners at a local church. She was asked to be a part of a program called Ambassadors of Friendship in grade school and often scolds the “mean girls” for making fun of the “differently abled” students in her school. Kylie joined a club at school where she stays after to help with autistic kids and is the Student Ambassador of her grade. Her teacher often asks Kylie to help others with their organizational and listening skills. Because of her disabilities, she is in an “inclusion” class that has a wide range of kids with needs. (We have all decided, teachers, guidance and I, that the goal will be to have Kylie removed from inclusion by high school) Ryan actually volunteers to sit with the Special Needs kids in his lunch period because no one else will, and that makes them feel bad. He frequently helps talk a classmate “down” from his high anxiety in school and when he found out this young boy was obsessed with Super Mario Brothers, he gave him his very own special edition Flying Mario plush doll for Christmas. Jordyn uses her own money to buy little funky erasers to give to a “special” classmate who needs a little more coaxing to pay attention during lessons than everyone else. KaseyMae is known everywhere as “the friend of the friendless” and Charlie, oh sweet Charlie, that kid asked if he could save his cupcake and bring it to a kid in school who missed a class party. Each one has been recognized by their schools as a “Proud Patriot” or “Student of the Month” and given awards based on their positive qualities like kindness, compassion or honesty multiple times. They give up their seats at events for others, they are drawn to those who are not usually accepted by society as viable or equal.

My kids obviously have a trend here…. They gravitate to those less fortunate than them, and I don’t mean financially…..

      My favorite memory of them was about 10 years ago. We were in the grocery store… I was VERY pregnant with Kasey.  TJ, Cody, TylerLee, Ryan and Jordyn were with me. Kylie was still institutionalized and vent dependent, in a wheelchair. While shopping, my kids attention was drawn to a young girl. They flocked around her, talking about her t shirt. Buzz Lightyear was the bomb at the time and they were all a-twitter with talk about Toy Story, how awesome the shirt was, where did she get it, how much was it, yada yada yada….. Finally I had to drag them away. Toddler Ryan shouting INFINITY BEYOND! over and over, louder and louder.  On we went with our shopping. A woman tapped me on the shoulder. She was in scrubs and was apparently this young girls day nurse. She said, with teary eyes,  “I want to tell you how amazing your kids are. Usually, ESPECIALLY, children, shun her, are afraid of her and never talk to her. Your children approached her, talked to her and never ONCE acted like there was anything different between them. I haven’t seen her smile like this in the 7 years I have been her nurse…” She hugged me and went on her way. Oh, did I not mention that this girl was strapped into her purple motorized wheelchair. She was vent dependent and a paraplegic. Severely brain damaged, obviously suffering some sort of cranio-facial disfigurement. I will never know it if was from birth or the result of a disease or accident. But it was no matter. My children never noticed. To them, feeding tubes, treachs and the loud, scary “woosh” of the ventilator were normal.

      They were raised in a home where that was our status quo. There was nothing “wrong” with it. To them, the question more often was “Doesn’t EVERYONE have a disabled sibling???” and never “Why do WE have a disabled sibling???” The word sibling was obviously not my 4 year olds chosen vernacular, but you get my drift.

When you are young or born into a family with a child with special needs the quote “the only thing normal in my house is a dial on the washing machine” pretty much says it all. A childs formative years are crucial. Teaching them tolerance, kindness and acceptance is tantamount to teaching them to walk, talk and double wrap your hand when wiping number two…

As I have been in this “world” for almost 13 years, I have seen it go both ways. I know families who have children that cannot accept the extra needs of their brother or sister. I know kids who write “I hate my life.” on their Facebook because of the excessive needs of a sibling leave them feeling neglected, forgotten, less important. Even though I KNOW the parents take every precaution otherwise. Some kids just don’t “get it”. They just can’t. Some kids learn to “get it”. Some kids just naturally do.

{DISCLAIMER: The VAST majority of families I know who also live, love and laugh with DBA www.dbafoundation.org  are nothing short of miracles. Siblings are BFFs, parents are only mildly insane (unlike Joe and I, who are perfectly and completely certifiable) and extended family is right there picking up the Reeces Pieces. But some are truly in crisis and ill equipped to deal with such a potentially tragic disease. Please, join me and praying for them.}

My steps sons were older when Kylie was born and were mature and understanding about the situation. Something I could never thank them enough for…Of our 7 other children, excluding Kylie, I only know of one who exhibited some of those “not getting it” emotions.  And they were mild and brief, definitely related to a certain age group. I am fairly certain it was mostly associated with other issues in their life and having a sick sister was just the most obvious and tangible thing to blame.

I had it lucky. I really mean it. Sure it was complicated. When she wasn’t hospitalized she was home with 24 hour nursing. Daily doctors appointments. Sometimes two or three. Strangers invaded our house on a regular basis. And often the fill ins were down right miserable. Some months, my kids spent more time coloring in doctors waiting rooms and ERs being patient, quiet and polite than they spent playing in their playroom  or backyard at home. And they handled it all with grace and humor and the pure, unconditional love of a child that was my saving grace during my darkest days of desperation and sorrow….

So suffice it to say, their experience with a sister with special needs deeply affected them. But in an amazing, blessed and beautiful way. They love deeper, laugh louder, hug more. They don’t judge (unless you wear shorts with Ugg boots or root for anyone other than the Giants) They truly know what’s important. I see this aspect of their life affecting their future in nothing but positive ways. So, when people say “Wow, that must have been tough!” I can truly say, “It could have REALLY been worse.”

So my advice to you, if you are ever faced with the birth of a child in your family that will require special attention, make it as normal and accepted as possible. As scared and overwhelmed as you may be, don’t let your other kids see, hear or feel your panic. They will look to you for guidance. They will emulate your behaviors. They will copy your actions, attitude and emotions. To a fault, actually. My kids think farting is ENTIRELY too funny thanks to me…And Joe will never forgive me for it.

so my loves, live special, love special and laugh, ESPECIALLY!

image

Now that I got that out of the way, be prepared. Because my next post will be about our “Family Meeting” and just how fucking awful my kids can sometimes be.

   Charity begins at home… but not the giving to ones self, the giving to others…We learned long ago just how true it is that “it takes a village” and we try our best to make sure that we give back to the village that has given to us so much over the last 12 years. By village I mean world, not just my neighborhood, or Toms River, or NJ… I try and think bigger.. (really? 10 kids, 9 dogs? She thinks bigger? Nahhhhhhh!)

Read the rest of this entry »

Follow Me on Pinterest

my crazy mind…archived

7th Circle of Hell

June 2017
M T W T F S S
« Aug    
 1234
567891011
12131415161718
19202122232425
2627282930  

Click to bring the chaos in my house, to yours!

Join 216 other followers

Heather Ann Monica

June 2017
M T W T F S S
« Aug    
 1234
567891011
12131415161718
19202122232425
2627282930  

tenkids2dogs

Top Clicks

  • None

How many times you all have come here to feel better about YOUR life!

  • 10,649 visits
%d bloggers like this: