So, you all thought I abandoned you, eh? Think again. The reality is, with 8 kids going on a 10 day break, about 7 thousand teachers, aids, Specials, bus drivers to bake for, Christmas Eve with Joes family, Christmas day with mine, decorating, cleaning, cooking, New Years Eve at our house followed by the most epic, virulent, fast moving, violent, brutal, merciless bout of the flu to ever strike ten people in a three day time span, the reality is the first thing to suffer is the blog. It is, of course, my hobby. My cathartic, free, social-therapy tool. Not to mention it requires functioning brain cells not allocated to other tasks to preform. Like breathing..and getting your vomit in the toilet and not on the floor because it will only mean more cleaning and laundry. A task not even remotely understood by my children. I think their brains are set to “ONLY VOMIT OVER SIDE OF BED WHEN 5 FEET HIGH, ON TOP BUNK”(directly into brand new Uggs) or “DURING NEW YEARS PARTY 30 SECONDS BEFORE BALL IS TO DROP AND MOM IS TRYING TO SERVE HER GUESTS CHAMPAGNE”

Yeah… their brains are set to that….

So.. anywho…

Happy Frikkin New Year, yada yada, yada…. 2012… enjoy it while it lasts kids…. we have until 12/21 to make amends with our family, friends, God and therapist. Get crackin….

We last left off with Nuckin Futs… having a “Silence of the Lambs” moment in the basement with a shrine he built to honor the beauty that is our Christmas Angel. How he worked my fairly heavy SLR camera with the ginormous 72mm lens is BEYOND me… how he managed to print them is even more concerning. But the fact that twisted bastard was able to light candles had me terrified for my family’s safety. Thankfully, by the grace of the Amazon.com gods and an amazing group of folks from SheSpeaks help was delivered right to my front door.

A few weeks ago,  I won a contest on SheSpeaks , sharing family holiday traditions. This nutty family is replete with them and the crew over at SheSpeaks seemed to enjoy them enough to announce me the winner of….::drumroll, please::

Elf on the Shelf, A Christmas Tradition. ! Hot dog! More fun for Momalish!

Well.. my original style elf arrived just in time to get its weird, digit-less hands on Nuckin Futs and Christmas Spirit the batshit crazy outta him. Almost immediately Nuckin was on lockdown and Santas version of Dr Drew Pinsky for Elves took the burden of THAT worry from mind.

All was quiet at our house until yesterday when I was packing up all the holiday joy for storage until next Christmas when I noticed a box, not previously in that particular spot….

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 Well… I’ll be… what on earth…..

So, very carefully, I took down the box and brought it to the living room….

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Upon further inspection, the cause of the absence of Nuckin’s crazyness in our house during the last week after Christmas became VERY clear…. crystal, in fact….

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It seems, at the bottom of his barrel full of monkeys, desperate and at the end of his candy cane, Nuckin Futs was the recipient of an “Intervention” the likes of which A&E only WISHES their lawyers would let them arrange, film and air….

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We were no doubt, the lucky beneficiaries of …

an Elfalizer.

It was like it was right out of a 1980’s television show and our Elf played the part of Robert McCall…

For some elves, the stress is too great and they crack. Falling into a vicious cycle of drinking, drugging and debauchery….Got a problem? Odds against you? Call The Elfalizer!”

The highest level Intervention Elf trained to handle those who crack under the pressure of maintaining the ENTIRE tradition of Christmas and the magic that is Santa for millions of children world wide on their small, soft, polyester stuffed, fabric shoulders.

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Quietly, almost reverently, I closed the packaging, replaced it on the stack of boxes and bins to be tucked away into the garage storage for the next 11 months and never…

looked….

back….

live, love and laugh abundantly in the new year my friends, it may be the last one we get!

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