Well.. Nuckin and I had a nice long heart to heart last night…I explained to him in great detail that Christmas Angels open arms are not a “signal” for him to “come hither.” How her fiber optic lights are NOT sending subliminal messages to him that shes hot for him. That she and the other angels on the mantle are not open mouthed, eyes locked in an ethereal gaze towards the heavens because of the state of awe they are in over him…

I told him how Glorious All Red wants his Elf License revoked, how she is going to beg the Elfs Court board to commit him to 11 months hard labor in the same Honduran sweatshop that tarnished Kathy Lee Giffords halo and how, if he keeps it up, wants to petition the court to have him….unstuffed! ::gasp!!::

Over hot cocoa and candy canes we discussed alternative options to funnel his excessive amount of… um…focus and energy. I suggested p90x, thousand piece puzzles, candle making, heck, even scrapbooking.

He seemed agreeable.

He acted subdued.

I. Was. Wrong.

Dead wrong…..

I was upstairs making Christmas cookies and I smelled matches.

Since its Saturday, I knew a bunch of kids must have slept in the family room in the basement last night and I was SURE I was gonna catch Ryan and Charlie doing SOMETHING stupid…

I. Was. Wrong.

Dead wrong…




Time to call in the experts.

And there is only one person I know qualified enough to handle a disaster like Elf Nuckin Futz.

Hold on to your stockings, cover the kids eyes and make sure the dogs are somewhere safe, because things are gonna get….violated…I mean interesting.

Stay tuned…


love, love and fa-la-la-laugh….always