If your ever bored, or just looking for a serious laugh, check your “User Added” dictionary on  your phone. On my Droid Incredible II  its located at SETTINGS: LANGUAGE & KEYBOARD: TOUCH INPUT: PERSONAL DICTIONARY.

This is a collection of all the words your phones dictionary did not recognize and you either made it remember specifically, or your settings auto saves such words. Now mind you, texting, Facebook and Twitter are imperfect sciences. Its more about convenience than accuracy…but its also about personal style. After perusing my list I was A. not surprised. B. thoroughly entertained C. partially embarrassed. Here is a compilation of some of mine.

Enjoy.

1. ABHORS- apparently I felt VERY strongly about something…

2. absofreakinlutely- the long drawn out cousin of Fkn A!

3. ass- pretty obvious…

4. Awwwwww- who hasent  texted this as a response to their hubby texting you that he wants to jump off a cliff wearing a pink tutu.

5. bahahahahaha- this isn’t just a haha…this is a loud, brash, churlish hahah….

6. BAM-texting Emeril or was I relaying the sound Charlie  made when he jumped face first into the sliding glass doors?

7. Bazinga- Oh Sheldon.

8. beardy- I remember this, it was about my “beardy man-child” who at 15 years old can grow more facial hair in a week than a Yeti.

9.bejesus- I use this. A lot. “…then I hid in their closet and started banging and moaning. It scared the bejesus out of them”  I know. Im evil…lol

10. bonehead- usually preceded by #73, whatta. Especially when discussing my kids affinity for doing stupid shit.

11. Butthead- no not Bevis and….. more like “don’t be such a….”

12. Bubonic- plague! duh!

13. cokehead- almost used this to describe my friends newborn grandson….

14. conehead- what I really meant to text ….

15. Dengue-hey, who doesn’t use this word in daily convo? Usually partnered with #12 Bubonic and # 33, Hanta

16. dewin- as in “whatcha dewin?’ I know, my grammar is impeccable.

17. diddly- you don’t know diddly, diddly squat.

18. doozy “this ones gonna be a…” when predicting what the 15yos new excuse was for breaking curfew….

19. effing- for some reason I was typing prudish that day…

20. enema- what? WHY? I really have no clue…

21. Ewok =Star Wars… nuff said….

22. fart-  why was this not already in the built in dictionary? why did it have to be added? Everyone farts! And poops! And pees! (all words your will find later in this list)

23. fked -as in “your…” no further explanation needed.

24. fondu –  who doesn’t love a good fondu? and who doesn’t text about it?

25. friggin – “Are you friggin kidding me?”

26. frikkin -“No frikkin way!”

27.fuzzie – the 3 month old carrot in the back of the fridge? my legs? Inquiring minds really don’t want to know…

28. Gawd – texting with an accent! Oh My Gawd! Gag me with a spoon! Like TOTALLY!

29. GiggleButt — my niece… poor thing, Its on her birth certificate and everything. (lies)

30. gool -no clue. cant begin to tell you. but it made me laugh

31. grrrrrr- Momalish for “I am not happy at your previous response, amend it before I get home”

32. gurl- HEY GURL! whasssupppp???? you keepin it real homes? (even funnier when I say it. Swap out funny for embarrassing if discussing this with my husband)

33. Hanta- I cant be the only person who texts about the Bubonic plague, Dengue fever  and Hanta virus?

34. hella- short for hell of a. as in there is one hella big pile of laundry in the basement…

35. hoarders- they make me feel clean. I love them.

36. holyleapincatfishbatman- holy shit, no, I mean REALLY holy shit!

37. IVIG- If you know what this is, Im sorry… I wish we never had to learn it and our in my prayers

38. Joysee – just saw the Joysee Shaw cast {the rest blanked out for excessive vulgarity)

39. jwow- I believe this on got paired up with skeevie

40. Lollygaggers-how to politely call your children lazyasses!

41. meatieballie – daughters nickname, she thinks its cute now. Shes in 5th. wait till HS… it will make her NUTS! I cant wait!

42. moooooooooo – “remind me next time to turn the volume down on my iPad when playing Milk the Cow in the ER. Nurses heard Moooooo and thought I was dying in here…”

43. Mwahahahahaha- the evil laugh. the kind you need to be afraid of..very very afraid…

44. nummy -TRIED to text “eatin leftovers nummy!” Spell Check replaced it with “Eating leftovers, dummy!” Poor Joe. Thought to himself, what did I do now?”

45. nuttin-  whatch dewin? nuttin

46. orifice “if you don’t get home right now I am going to sew every orifice shut, you wont have to worry about hearing me yell. Or breathing, or eating, or shitting.

47-52. the next 6 words say a lot about me…..

pee

piss

pisser

poo

poop

potty

53. sammiches- come on, you know you say it too!

54. schmoopie- awww… that’s what I call people I love!

55. SHAZAAM- that’s right, Im magical, bitch!

56. sheesh- love this, “sheesh, don’t be such a grump!”

57. shit- a favorite, if you havent realized already… used profusely to describe many situation, feelings, tastes, sounds, piles on the lawn…

58. shitty- repeat above

59. sho- fo sho!

60.shufflin- Every day Im……

61. si- Mom? si? whos this? Mom. Mom? si? whos this?….. yes, shes blond….

62. skeevy- refer to above #39

63. slurp- when I see you Im gonna give you a big slurp right across the face!

64. smidge- little bit. as in “Mom, I wore your brand new Uggs to school today, are you mad?” “just a smidge. by the way I let your sister wear your new underwear today, she had none clean. She promises to be dilligent wiping”

65. squat -“You don’t know diddly squat” was my response to man-childs affectless “ I know” text after being told he was lucky I couldent reach thru the phone and choke him.

66. stupis- was meant to be “stupid is as stupid does”  I was obviously referring to myself and decided to present a case in point.

67. taser- # 1 on my Christmas wish list.

68. thug- hey now, keepin it real in the hood here. Hanging on our parents front porch one night at about 3am, my brother  the genius, my sister the pediatrician and I the human baby factory,  acting all insidious and derelict(inebriated) self described thugs. Peace, yo!

69. tits- really Heather? tits? that’s one hella typo….especially to text to your 10 year old daughter.Me- “tits crazy!” Jordyn “um..whaaaaaatttt?????” ( I MEANT that’s crazy!)

70. Twix– the little brown logs that the angels make in heaven, not to be confused with holy shit.

71. weirdos- my house is full of…..

72. WHAMMIES-   my version of good luck Anonymous”omg im taking a prego test” me”BIG MONEY! BIG MONEY! NO WHAMMIES!” (no not a marinara tasting test….)

73. whatta- mess, as in my life. not to be confused with sucha mess, which is just reserved for me.

74. WHORE-  “you cant shake the whore tree and expect an angel to fall out”

75. Yoda- again… seriously, say more need I not?

76. Yuppers- my way of saying yes by texting a word twice as long. I have never been good at time management.

77. Yvoone -as in Criddle… as in Mad TV…as in you totally have to YouTube her… and Ms. Swan.

78. zepplin- No, not Led. we had one flying over our house. I swore it was the Mother Ship, come to pick me up.

So that’s my list…Leave me comments with some of yours!

This should be fun!

love, love and laugh….ALWAYS

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