I couldn’t get this Facebook note out of my head today…. I have always wanted to expound upon it, address the moral lesson in depth, explore further, why my husband disagrees with my obviously spectacularly accurate judgment skills. And as I counted no less than 7 standing chores that have gone neglected, if not completely ignored, I figured there was no better time than now to revisit it.

There I was, oh about halfway thru 15 chores I have begun and abandoned just enough to be able to qualify as actually started, I was feeling a bit, exhausted, overwhelmed, too ADD to focus or just plain lazy, I felt the need for a brief rest/quasi nap, I notice the tv is on some testosterone laden man-channel showing an episode of Cops. And there, is this poor girl, with a most unfortunate name. I say unfortunate, because when the officer asked her name she said “F@&$ You”. Imagine her shame in college when her Pharmacology Professor called upon her! ” Is that first name last or last name first?”

I presume her to be a pharmacology student because of the abundance of study samples on her person. I mean, who else carries THAT many pills on them without a Drs prescription? The poor thing, who has obviously been studying SO much she has forgotten to eat or shower in the last month (or two) is basically being harassed by these three officers because she can’t remember the address of her church choir friends house she was walking to.

The poor thing, delirious with study exhaustion, was confused as to the actual purpose of butterfly knife in one hand. She must be burning the candle at both ends and either taking midnight jujitsu lessons or some new form of culinary arts classes at the local community college annex, because when asked “what is that you have behind your back?” she actually thought it was a flashlight! God love her.

And to top it off, someone at church seems to have broken into her purse and left their crack pipe hidden in the tampon wrapper. Devious, those crack pipe hiding purse sneaker inners. Poor thing, was simply walking along the dimly lit alley, fraught with undesirables while trying to serve the Lord by bringing a wad of Wendy’s napkins to her yet unnamed friends house who’s address still eludes her.
Talk about religious persecution. I for one, am going to call the West Virginia Police department and complain to them about their obvious ineptitude.

Now, as I sit here, box of garbage bags at my side, that took no less than three trips to Lowes today to actually remember to buy, a glass of Arbor Mist Pear wine in a plastic kiddie cup, one child downstairs so tweaked out on albuterol that I could use his teeth to chip wood, three kids outside counting leaves until they get to one million, and a mélange of teenagers in the basement doing Lord knows what, I take a moment to reflect on my previous observation. Am I that optimistic that I let common sense fly right out the open window in my brain? Do I really have that much faith in humanity? In the idea of the greater good ? Was I in fact, a blond in a previous life? ( apologies to all you smart, intelligent blonds..by the way, you were all brunettes in a previous life…)
Nah…..in reality I’m just that freakin weird. I have a penchant for taking unsavory things, and by adding a pinch of stupidity and humor to them, make them a bit more palatable….by being so blatantly wrong, I brought to the sad, pathetic plight of a drug addled coke fiend a stinging taste of reality. Sarcasm, my friends….it’s like the kosher salt of life. A little bit enhances things and adds flavor, too much and no one can stand you. In fact, too much causes high blood pressure and stroke. True story. So, while there are some who don’t ” get me”, praise Jesus! This world would by so salty, the Dead Sea would be considered drinkable! But …to the others, who embrace my quirkiness, ~ In Nomine Patris, et Filii, et Spiritus Sancti. Amen.
We , my friends…..quite literally are, the salt of the earth….

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