This is a story from back on 06 that my dad reminded me that i HAD to post… so… here it is…

The Snip and Snore Bandit….

Toms River, NJ- There has been a rash of incidents in the Monica household as of late. Seems late at night while visions of sugar plums are dancing through everyone’s heads, one devious head is stalking the innocents. Twice in recent weeks, poor, unsuspecting victims are awaking in the morning with less hair than they went to sleep with. Is this just the natural process of hair loss or something more sinister? Well, considering the victims are just 5 and 6, receding hairlines can definitely be ruled OUT. No, folks, this seems to be the work of a crafty and sinister mind, preying upon his victims while they sleep. Although sources close to the investigative team initially insisted there are no suspects yet, they have just revealed that evidence had been discovered under the bed sheets of one Mr. Charlie Monica. My source tells me that scissors with stray hair, still attached, matching those of the victims has been seized from Mr. Monica’s bedroom. Also beneath the Bob the Builder comforter, the lead detective discovered evidence that this tragedy may have been in the planning phase for a while. Practice cuts encompassed the vast majority of the bottom fitted sheet, previously undiscovered due to the location of the evidence, at the foot of the bed, concealed beneath blankets and sheets.
Mr. Monica was presented with this evidence but denied any involvement, rather, suggesting the first victim, a Mr. Ryan Monica, who lives in the same house and sleeps in the bunk just above our suspect, did the crime himself and then planted the evidence. The second victim, and hopefully the last, a Ms. Jordyn Monica, also a resident of the same house but sleeps in a room across and down the hall, cannot even be sure when the incident happened to her, due to the nature of her hair style. Only after her mother decided to place her hair in a bun for ballet practice one morning, did she notice the missing locks. Further investigation revealed blond curls within her bed sheets, but she cannot recollect any time that the suspect would have had access to her room, especially while she was sleeping. To reach Ms. Monica, Mr. Monica would have had to sneak from his room, enter Ms. Monica’s room, and without stumbling over the mass quantities of kitchen accessories strewn about Ms. Monica’s room, climb onto her top bunk, which at the time did not have the ladder assembled yet on the frameworks of the bed. For him to accomplish this without waking up Ms. Monica or her two roommates is confounding.
Further evidence found, seem to suggest that the attacks on these kids are just the final culmination of Mr. Monica’s strange fixation. Numerous My Little Ponies and even the families Brussels Griffon, Sprout seems to have fallen victim. A profiler from the MKE (Moms Know Everything) feels strongly that these were all a result of pent-up frustration, curiosity and mischief. The progression of the attacks leaves everyone hopeful that it was stopped just in time. The next obvious victim, following the floor plan of the upstairs, likely would have been a parental figure to Mr. Monica, which could have resulted in permanent damage to Mr. Monica’s future here on earth.
While getting ready to publish this story, Mr. Monica suddenly volunteered to give a statement to the MKE that he in fact was guilty. He apologized for his actions and offered his favorite matchbox cars to the victims as an apology. When asked why he finally confessed, Mr. Monica replied “God don’t like liars”.
His once furious parents are now overcome with sentiment and thrilled that their son, in fact, has a conscience and is learning that the truth will set you free!