It was an early spring day at the Monica Household. Early morning.. and early spring.. chill in the air, rain without ice was just beginning to fall. Mother nature was just beginning to show us her promise for the upcoming season. New babies were being born all over this great green state. (garden state green, nuclear waste green, take your pick, either works) Baby birds, nestled warmly beneath they’re mothers down, squirrels in their cans abound. Field mice made their way into my toasty warm garage, courtesy of faulty duct work. The mice and the heat. That week, I had discovered the tell tale peppering of mouse turds near the dogs empty food bowl. Quite aware of my husbands Perez Hilton like behavior in regards to rodents of all types, I decided to act fast to quell this potentially exponential population boon going on within the walls of a house that has already maxed out its occupancy allotment before we had even moved in. Afraid to use bromide chips because of Charlies apparent tapeworms and insatiable hunger, I chose the somewhat neanderthal “glue trap” option. And boy, I could never EVER have imagined what lie ahead of me as I stood in Target, looking at my choices….First, let me tell you.. everything BUT mice get stuck in these things…As i lie them out, I was sucked into them time and time again, a vortex, if you will, of polymer bonding, the likes of such that should not be legal here in this dimension. Sally Hansen waxing products resemble Elmers Glue when compared to this stuff. Looking back now, i realize that a more ill fated plan there never was, but for my own personal attempt at waxing. Whole other story ENTIRELY…Back to the glue traps. After I finally disperse them thru the house and garage, I go about my chores until i hear an odd ” slap slap thump”.. over and over.. I’m thinking… omg I caught one already? COOL! Now, who’s gonna throw it out? Now, this flopping sound continued. Quite aggressively in fact. And I was thinking.. OMG.. its a RAT I bet. And a HUGE one at that… Then, the flopping got closer… and closer… and there as I came around the corner, coming from the game room, was Sally. Our fox terrier/chihuahua mix, sporting three traps.. one on a front paw, one on a back, and her nose… Seems the smell attracts simple minded dogs too. She had been in the garage with me, I guess and I had left the door opened a bit, so she was able to get into the house adorned in her new accoutrement’s. Silly sally…I get the traps off, put them back, close AND LOCK the garage doors, and we all have a chuckle. Then … the next day… oh, that fateful next day.. It was 6:30 am. I was sound asleep…when i was suddenly awoken by SCREAMING and POUNDING up the stairs… My bedroom door flies open and Cody, braying like a donkey, DIVES under my covers, immediately followed by TJ, double the size of Cody ad twice as loud too, RIPS the blankets off the bed. Then all the sudden I hear WHAP.. then ARRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!I look… and I look again… and there.. Is Cody.. with a glue trap.. ON HIS HEAD!NOOOOO!!!!!! Oh man… God was with TJ that day. Cody is loosing his mind, and as my instincts are to hold him back from jumping on TJ adn making a sticky situation a bloody one as well, that primitive part of my brain told me DONT TOUCH THAT KID! Insanity ensued for a brief moment and the story, as it happened, began to unfold. TJ is slow in the morning. (like me) Cody, however, is not. (like Joe) In his annoyance, and an attempt to light a fire under TJs ass, Cody threatened him w. a glue trap he found behind the computer (still no clue as to HOW he found it or why he was back there) Cody jokingly waved it close to TJs hairy legs. TJ swatted at Cody, glue trap fell… sticky side down.. on TJs leg. TJ RIIIIPS off glue trap, and in his blinding pain, chases him full throttle thru the house to my bedroom where the” WHAP heard round the world” was then executed. So, there I am..not yet 7am… still dark out and I’m Googling “how to remove rodent glue trap from human hair” all while promising TJ that I was going to “drag him to church, and beat him in front of God.” TJ took the bus to school that am. But I promised him, that if I couldn’t get the trap out of Cody’s hair without cutting it, I was shaving his head.. with a dull linoleum knife and lemon juice….And for those of you who know TJ, my emo child, my doom n gloom, my Eeyore, his hair is his pride and joy. Well.. FYI, olive oil works GREAT… Cody had shiny hair for about a week and barring being late for school, the entire fiasco ended peacefully…. TJ still has his hair… and I will NEVER buy glue traps.. EVER AGAIN…Thats my story.. and Im stickin to it. Pun intended!

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